How to talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.
"I'm such an IDIOT" is something I used to say all the time when I’d make a mistake. All. the. time. I had ZERO self-compassion, and my inner-critic ruled my inner-dialogue.
“talk to yourself like you would to someone you love” Brene Brown
So, HOW do you talk to yourself like you would to someone you love?
Learn a little self-compassion.
It took years…no, DECADES for me to learn to have a little self-compassion. And, having self-compassion wasn’t something that shifted overnight. It’s been a practice, for sure!
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is the act of being kind to yourself no matter what happens or has happened in your life…no matter what you think you suck at. Self-compassion is the realization that EVERYONE makes mistakes. Making mistakes is part of being human.
Be kind to yourself
Self-compassion isn’t about letting yourself off the hook for your wrongs, or not taking responsibility for the things you have done. It’s leaving out the judgmental language. It’s taking responsibility for your mistakes, recitfying them as best as you can, and then moving on. You can use your mistakes as a way to grow and change, rather than beat yourself up about what you have done.
Take the first step to become more compassionate:
The first step? Noticing. Notice when you aren’t kind to yourself. What are you telling yourself about the situation (no matter how big or small)? REALLY pay attention to the times when your inner critic tries to steal the show.
Also, don’t beat yourself up for beating yourself up! Bring some kindness to the awareness of your inner critic. Simply notice when your inner dialogue gets a bit salty…without judging the judgement.
Next steps: Once you’ve NOTICED the critical self-talk, what next? Change the way you speak to yourself.
How do you talk to a dear friend or loved one when they eff-up? Do you tell them what an idiot they are? Probably not. You give them a hug, ask what you can do to help, comfort them in the best way you can, and tell them how sorry you are that they are going through it.
DO THIS FOR YOURSELF, TOO!
When you make a mistake, give yourself a big hug (seriously…wrap your arms around yourself, and give yourself an actual hug!)…ask yourself what you might need to feel better, and comfort yourself in the best way you can. Tell yourself that you are sorry you are going through this.
I hope this can get you started on the way to becoming more self compassionate! Here are some books I recommend, if you’d like to read more about it (these are affiliate links, and I get a little cut of the purchase price:
Interested in learning about mindful meditation? Check out some of the services I provide!
From my home studio in Tampa Bay I offer yoga and meditation classes (both personal and for the workplace), as well as mindfulness intensives.
If you’re not in the Tampa Bay area I have monthly online meditations available through Zoom.
Be sure to follow me @lotusheartmindfulness on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest for more mindfulness inspiration!
